3/18/11

okay. here is the deal:

I just sent a FACEBK message to my  x-bf that makes me extremely vulnerable...aka I H8 the future. Take me home to the heart aka desert of texas and lemme use this wood-fired oven whn its real cold and lemme roll around on the horse named..i dunno, something inspired by cormac McCarthy...

I sometimes (read:most of the time) just want to leave this ugly, ugly ugly UGLY UGLY UGLY...sorry got carried away there....disgusting world. I like a fashion spread or two or ten, they are beautiful...they are....I like them. I want to incorporate them into my general life style...but honestly...I want to leave all of you, ALL OF YOU, all of you
-people who want followers
-people who want to be internet-famous
-people who give more credence to...physical shit.

Sometimes I read blogs and I wonder: has your heart ever been totally completely broken? Like you stare into space and try to keep on keeping on, but it still just keeps on hurtin and so you keep starin and keep drinkin, and you're just fuct fuct fuct, I guess, the only bloggers I've ever who've really addressed pain are sister wolf, and recently fashion toast. It's kinda fuct'd no?

We all post our daily outfits, our make-up, our shoes/sweaters/dresses/shoes again(in my case) that we want....but never a damn thing about what...about what we are really feeling...

yes, we have great style. Yes, we want to share it and git feedback, yes we care about our community...this community of fashion bloggers...but also, how much more would it all mean if we were a little more honest? If karla maybe talked about how she was feeling weird about her beautiful bf (sry to use you as an example).....

I'm not a blogger icon. I'm no one as far as internet popularity, but I'm going to say something real real real 4 real right now. B/c I'm tired of being a fashion blogger, that is what I love, but it's not all of who I am.


I have worked and am working and am always working, and am always trying to keep living because it is worth it...because something is worth it. AND sometimes I think it is fashion, and sometimes I think it is ANIMALS, and sometimes I think it is PSYCHOLOGY, and what I can do, maybe some day for a other ppl, and sometimes I think it is a random (read: all of the above) million things that make life worth worth WORTH it.

& I am trying...and as hard as I hurt (and I do) I won't stop.
I"ll keep posting editorials. I'll keep crying. I'll keep on FUCKING keeping on. Because I owe it to ME. Because I owe it.

11 comments:

victoriagrace said...

i love this because its so true

N P said...

I love here because i can feel what you mean without your saying.

A. said...

I feel that mami, but its always easier to pretend be cute and like I always have my shit together than to let everyone on the internet to know how I feel.

everything will be ok in the end...and in the mean time we can always get drunk.

keep on keeping on.
xxxx

Rackk and Ruin said...

thank you for this. Honesty. I feel the same way most of the time. I'm posting images of beautiful things, beautiful people. but a lot of the time i'm not feeling that way on the inside. But i know my friends, my sister, read my blog so i don't wanna scare them. Sister Wolf's blog is always a great outlet for me because i can comment freely on her posts. I can write how i'm feeling and i know she reads it, and responds. I'm not religious in any way, spiritual i guess, but i love the saying "this too shall pass." It's really helped me get through some insanely hard shit in my life. But i know that shit has made me a stronger person. More aware of myself, my needs, and others'. Life is hard, it was programed that way. So if blogging nice images makes you feel better in ANY WAY at all keep doing it!! xxx Molly

Brooke said...

Heavy .... Right on

www.stonecoldblues.blogspot.com

chris said...

revel in it, you can't imagine how beautiful it is in person

Funmi wittle said...

L O V E
cool blog you have btw x

scarlet said...

This just made me cry. in a good way. thank you.

Style Porn said...

TRUTH. Thank you for that. There's nothing wrong with being shallow at times as long as it comes with a modicum of self-awareness. Let's all remember to check ourselves once in awhile. It's so easy to fall into complacency.

bigmikesinphilly said...

i just joined the world of blogging, so first let me begin by saying thank you. your words are the first words I've heard that echo my own. i dig your words. now if i could just figure out how to follow u.....

bigmikesinphilly said...

i just entered the world of blogging, so let me begin by saying thank you. your words are the first i've heard that echo mine. i dig it. NOw if I could just figure out how to follow u...

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