okay. here is the deal:
I just sent a FACEBK message to my x-bf that makes me extremely vulnerable...aka I H8 the future. Take me home to the heart aka desert of texas and lemme use this wood-fired oven whn its real cold and lemme roll around on the horse named..i dunno, something inspired by cormac McCarthy...
I sometimes (read:most of the time) just want to leave this ugly, ugly ugly UGLY UGLY UGLY...sorry got carried away there....disgusting world. I like a fashion spread or two or ten, they are beautiful...they are....I like them. I want to incorporate them into my general life style...but honestly...I want to leave all of you, ALL OF YOU, all of you
-people who want followers
-people who want to be internet-famous
-people who give more credence to...physical shit.
Sometimes I read blogs and I wonder: has your heart ever been totally completely broken? Like you stare into space and try to keep on keeping on, but it still just keeps on hurtin and so you keep starin and keep drinkin, and you're just fuct fuct fuct, I guess, the only bloggers I've ever who've really addressed pain are sister wolf, and recently fashion toast. It's kinda fuct'd no?
We all post our daily outfits, our make-up, our shoes/sweaters/dresses/shoes again(in my case) that we want....but never a damn thing about what...about what we are really feeling...
yes, we have great style. Yes, we want to share it and git feedback, yes we care about our community...this community of fashion bloggers...but also, how much more would it all mean if we were a little more honest? If karla maybe talked about how she was feeling weird about her beautiful bf (sry to use you as an example).....
I'm not a blogger icon. I'm no one as far as internet popularity, but I'm going to say something real real real 4 real right now. B/c I'm tired of being a fashion blogger, that is what I love, but it's not all of who I am.
I have worked and am working and am always working, and am always trying to keep living because it is worth it...because something is worth it. AND sometimes I think it is fashion, and sometimes I think it is ANIMALS, and sometimes I think it is PSYCHOLOGY, and what I can do, maybe some day for a other ppl, and sometimes I think it is a random (read: all of the above) million things that make life worth worth WORTH it.
& I am trying...and as hard as I hurt (and I do) I won't stop.
I"ll keep posting editorials. I'll keep crying. I'll keep on FUCKING keeping on. Because I owe it to ME. Because I owe it.